The Marky Mark Workout Will Make You Wet.

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

I wanted to start off this blog with pure sex today. I am coming off from my birthday weekend and i thought it appropriate to make you guys feel the same way I've felt these past two days.

[THE FOLLOWING EMO RANT IS PROVIDED TO YOU BY KANYE WEST]

Fuck this shit, let's do a complete 180. You know, actually, my birthday was pretty low key. I didn't really want to do anything big because I'm fucking 24. I feel OLD. I mean, I know I'm not old but I still feel like my youth is officially gone and I am entering mid-life. Right now I want to sit on my bed and eat ice cream til the end of time. Not really...

[i am proud of how airbrushed my face is. kathy griffin would be proud]

I did actually have a lot of fun of the family kind. I know a lot of people would go out and throw themselves a huge birthday bash (and not that there's anything wrong with a little ME ME ME time) but I really wanted this birthday to be quiet and intimate. Intimate is such a weird word but I mean it in the most non-sexual way. What's that? you didn't read it like that to begin with? Oh... I am putting my foot so far down my throat I have no problem walking. Anyway, it was really nice to sit down with my parents and my sister and just laugh and reminisce and look forward to the future together... oh god.

How can I keep embarrassing myself more? I KNOW! I'll disgust you guys with pictures of what I ate on my birthday. Because I can!

yes ladies and gentlemen, i'm THAT guy that stuffs his plate as high as he can to ensure that he does not have to get up for a while:

oh who am i kidding? this is literally 5 minutes later...

and i still had the pleasure of getting home to a surprise from my sister...

honestly, best birthday ever.