Thursday, June 4, 2009

the horror of jury duty.

on tuesday i had the honor of serving jury duty. if you guys don't exactly know how jury duty works i'd like to start off with this fabulous example from urbandictionary:

basically what happens is that you get a letter in the mail informing you that you have to go sit in a room full of strangers waiting to see if you get chosen to be part of a jury that will decide whether someone is convicted of a crime. if this is your first time going you will be there for about 8 hours. sitting. waiting. praying for the sweet release of death to come.

at this time i'd like to list how my jury duty experience went down:

- I arrived at the Clara Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center in downtown l.a. at 7:45 a.m. [this is the most depressed looking building ever in the history of mankind, fun!]

- I got past security really easy, i had muh man bag with me, holler! made my way to the elevator and rode up to the 11th floor.

- got to this large hallway with like 100 people, all having no idea where to go. at first i was standing right outside the door i was supposed to but i thought "i am so in the wrong spot" so i decided to go all the way to the other side of the hallway while everyone looked on at me until i reached the dead end... at which time the door on the opposite side of the hallway [a.k.a. the door i should've effin stayed at] opened and a lady told everyone to pour in.

- i made my way to the middle of the pack hurrying past the older slower people [bitch, if i'm going to be sitting for 8 hours i need a good spot, besides, there was enough seats for everyone, i just wanted a corner so only one person could sit next to me].

- by this point i was in full on primitive hunting mode, i am totally that annoying guy that will push you over slightly to make myself fit through a small hole in the crowd. i found a row of 4 chairs that was on the inside of a wall [it's hard to explain] and took the one on the end. eventually 3 out of the 4 chairs were taken but not the one next to me, hell yeah!

- around 8:05 a lady started telling us what to expect and explained all kinds of crap i couldnt give a rats ass about because i was still half asleep. then a judge came out and answered questions and at this point i began thinking what would happen if someone jumped through the window.

- at 8:15 the lady told us we could have a 15 minute break [wtf can you do with a 15 minute break?] so i decided to try and sleep but couldn't because i felt so awkward having people sit right across from me staring at me.

- around 10ish they called the first group of people to go to the court to have lawyers choose whether or not they'd be a good fit for the jury. wouldn't you effin know it, i was chosen as one of the group. so off we went to the court and as soon as we sat down the judge told us the case had been settled last minute and that we were free to go back down to the waiting room. SCORE!

- around 12 p.m. they told us to take our hour and a half lunch break. we were free to go anywhere we wanted as long as we made it back on time. so i decided this was the time i was going to use to nap [i was running on 2 hours of sleep and felt so sleepy] but i just couldn't.

- after the failed sleep attempt i decided i was going to walk around and look out the window to check the view out. it was surprisingly nice out and i took a couple of pics with my camera phone [of which i have no way to post online, sorry!]. this is when an old man came up to me because he didn't know how to use the cell phone he had, so i helped him out.

- at 1ish i decided to get something from the vending machines. now this is where i felt like a moron because i saw an iced coffee i wanted, i pressed the buttons to find out how much it was and i saw "$1.16" ...weird. so i inserted the amount in and pressed for the iced coffee... nothing happened. i was like OH HELL NO! and i looked around hoping someone would look at the thirsty fat guy and would help me out, but no. i stood there while others waited and reached down to see if any change had popped out accidentally. that's when i noticed that the thing read "$1.75" not "$1.16" and i realized i was a dumbass. the end.

- everyone started piling back in around 1:30 p.m. and by this time i was done. i was so over sitting down and hallucinating ways i could kill myself.

- around 2:30 they called another group. i wasn't part of it. thank you jesus, i BELIEVE!

- i watched the Benihana Christmas episode of The Office on my ipod and right at the end of it the last group was called. i wasn't part of it. I GIVE MYSELF TO CHRIST, HE IS MY SAVIOR!

- 10 minutes after that at around 3:45 p.m. we were told we were free! HALLELUJAH! I WAS LOST BUT NOW AM FOUND!

[i am not religious, but at this point i was so fucking out of it that i truly believe it was divine intervention...]

also at this point, i'd like to point out i felt exactly like the kid in MGMT's new video for 'Kids'. btw, this video is totally in the running towards becoming ben robot's favorite music video of 2009!


LittlePandaExpress said...

jury duty is a NIGHTMARE!!! at least you werent picked, i did and was doing it for a whole week the case was the worst too BLEH!!!!!!!! their so evil!! oh and that video and song is ftw!